I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
