I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
pray to the hookup gods
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize