We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
