Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
