dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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