I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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