We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize