if you like me you must not know who I am
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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