so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
