remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
