worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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