I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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