I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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