So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
