Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
