He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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