i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
