It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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