I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
