At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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