dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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