How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
