can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
