When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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