ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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