We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
