So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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