i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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