Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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