forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
