ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
