He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the day after is always just damage control
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
