im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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