New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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