Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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