i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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