So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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