At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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