listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
