everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
