Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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