tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
