He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
