There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
