Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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