My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
