So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
