my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
