she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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