I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
