and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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