it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
