ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
