Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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