Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
