just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
