I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
