I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
