Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
