You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
