i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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