i think my tv is drunk
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
