So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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